New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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