Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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