thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
