There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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