You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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