I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
