he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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