it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
dude. I can hear the air.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
