let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
