Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my poor anus
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
