Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I could fuck to npr.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
