We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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