I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
