Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
