where am i from again
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
