I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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