Who did Billy Mays play for?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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