Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
