Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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