dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
