So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
