apparently the secret to your success is patron
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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