Who wears a wallet chain?!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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