Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
