Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
COCAINE IS GR8
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
