You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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