yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
