we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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