I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
