just come out here and I will go home with you...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
