Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
