UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
