I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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