mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
