Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
