I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Green mimosas i think yes
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
