Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
