she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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