ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
