I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
