Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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