remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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