is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
