He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
