Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
dude. I can hear the air.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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