He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
