Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
