I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This house was built for laser tag.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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