Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
