too bad you live with your parents still
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
