Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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